Uno: When in Doubt Blame America

[commie_island]

[He wakes up and blinks slowly. This isn’t his house. He can tell just from laying there. This place is too....he looks around and after a bit of searching finds the phone. Have an incredibly angry Cuban yelling at you Mayfield, thick accent included]

America!

What do you think you’re pulling, kidnapping me like this?

If this is another one of your stupid schemes to kill my boss, I swear....

[There's a pause as he sighes and looks around.]

Shit. Your house is worse than I thought.

Comments

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Ah...when did you get here?

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

I just woke up here.

Mattie. Where is here? It sure looks like America's house.

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

I-it usually happens like that.

This is Mayfield. And it is in America's house, but he has no control over it.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

So this is America's house.

[Sorry, it's blame America time]

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, it is...but we're just humans here. We're no longer countries...

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

What.....

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

We stopped being countries once we got here. I didn't want to believe it at first...but...after the chemical burns on my lungs that are almost gone...

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

What? That makes no!....

[there is a sudden stop and then a pause]

Chemical burns...

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

The Netherlands...kind of reminded me...after I couldn't stop coughing up blood. Like I said I didn't want to believe it either...but it's true.

Ah...I inhaled some toxic fumes last week. But I'm feeling much better now.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

Toxic fumes!

Just where the Hell are we?!

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

This is Mayfield...it likes to play games with us. Last week it trapped us in another town. Before that it gave us things that had negative side effects, and before that killed a lot of people so people would start blaming themselves.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

What!

Who did this!

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Ah...a-about that...no one knows who's doing this.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

[There is muttered Spanish cursewords]

And you're sure this isn't that bastards fault?

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm sure. He doesn't know why any of this is happening either.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

Right.

[Suspicious Commie is suspicious]

Well then. What are we supposed to do here?

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

They want us to live a happy normal life with our new families.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

.....why?

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Because they just think everyone should live in a happy little family and everyone must live in peace and harmony except for the Russians and Chinese!

....

America was really in denial during the 1950s...

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

[He scoffs]

No really.

Is Russia or China here?

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

No one knows why...but that's what I came up with...

Yes. Mr. Russia's my neighbor...and I think I've seen Mr. China around.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

Good. At least some of my allies are here.

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Ms. Vietnam is also here. She's...ah...A-America's new wife.

[commie-island.livejournal.com]

[You hear that noise Mattie? It's Cuba being shocked and what the hell and just what...]

What the Hell?

Why would they do that to her?

That bastard did enough to her!

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

He said she shot her after she realized where she was and who she was stuck with.

And it really isn't like anyone has any control on where they end up.